When I first began teaching martial arts, I showed a woman who had just started taking lessons some basic techniques, including what’s called a “two-finger strike,” a jab with the index and middle fingers to he attacker’s eyes.
    The student recoiled and said, “Oh, I don’t think I could actually hurt anyone!”
    “But,” I tried to explain reasonably, “you use this technique if someone is trying to hurt you.”
    She looked doubtful. “I wouldn’t mind learning how to get away from an attacker. But I could never hurt someone else.”
    I was surprised but later I found that many women (and some men) feel this way. While an instinct to avoid causing pain is admirable, and avoiding the necessity of doing so is ideal, there are times when an attacker just isn’t going to listen to reason, and you have to be prepared to punch him in the nose (or gouge him in the eyes.) Refusal to cause physical harm to others may be the goal of a pacifist, but these people who didn’t want to hurt anyone weren’t pacifists. If you asked them, “What if someone were hurting your child or your elderly parent?” they would invariably respond that yes, in that case, they would be able to hurt an attacker if there were no other way to stop the attack. In fact, they could get pretty lurid in their descriptions of what they’d do to someone who hurt their child.
    Even if you would choose, for moral or ethical reasons, not to inflict injury on another person, being incapable of doing so does not make you morally or ethically superior. Being capable of violence but choosing not to use violence is actually the position a pacifist takes. Choosing not to and not knowing how are two different things.
    In most cases, the people I teach don’t have an ethical reason not to defend themselves. They just feel uncomfortable with the concept. They think they’re not worth it. They think someone can hurt them, but they have no right to hurt that person in self-defense.
    This attitude is, sadly, prevalent among women who are willing to do anything to keep their kids or their dog free from harm, but jut don’t feel entitled to do the same for themselves…as if saving themselves from harm is somehow selfish. Many self-defense instructors give in to this cultural assumption and say, “Pretend you’re fighting for your child.” Some of the more enlightened say, “If you’re hurt, you won’t be there for your kid, your dog Rover, your elderly parents.” But this still implies that you’re not important in and of yourself. The truth is, just by reason of existing, you have a right to exist free from harm. Few instructors say, like I do, “You should learn to defend yourself because you’re worth defending.”
    And you are worth defending.
    It won’t always be a mugger who wants to drag you down an alley that you have to defend yourself against. In fact, you don’t often have to. If you’re a woman, you’re far more likely to have to defend yourself against someone you know, a boyfriend who doesn’t listen when you say “no,” the neighbor who comes over to fix your leaky sink and reads more into the situation than exists.
    The threat isn’t always physical, either. It might be a threat to your dignity or self-esteem, such as when your boss tells an off-color joke at work, or your father belittles your abilities. Letting people get away with this behavior simply reinforces the message that you’re not worth defending—both to them and to you. If you stand up to this, you teach yourself that you’re worth defending, and it becomes easier to do with each successive event. And it also teaches people that you won’t put up with their disrespectful behavior, and they’ll stop doing it. Usually.

Try this exercise…

The next time your boss or co-worker tells an off-color joke, or someone insults you, don’t tell yourself that only a jerk would draw attention to this behavior. (The jerk is the person engaged in the behavior.) Simply but firmly say, “I don’t find that kind of humor amusing.” Or, “Don’t insult me. I would appreciate an apology.”
    You may be accused of having no sense of humor…you may even be accused (as I have been) of creating the conflict. But off-color jokes aren’t funny at work, and an insult directed at you is already a belligerent act. You’re just identifying it and bringing it out into the open.
    By exercising your right to defend yourself, you will teach people to treat you with respect and consideration. You are worth defending.

Jennifer Lawler is a black belt and author of twenty books including, “Tae Kwon Do for Women,” “Coaching Women in the Martial Arts,” “Kickboxing for Women,” “Punch: Why Women Participate in Violent Sports,” and “Martial Arts for Dummies.”  She earned her Ph.D. in English from the University of Kansas in 1996.  She is experienced as a tournament competitor, judge and referee, and martial arts and self-defense instructor. Currently, she devotes most of her time to writing and speaking about martial arts training. Her latest book “Dojo Wisdom” explores using martial arts as a practical guide to improve daily life.

Kicks' guest instructor, Dr. Lawler demonstrates
a self defense technique with Michelle
at a special seminar last year.

Click here for more information about Jennifer Lawler.

Upcoming Events

• Kicks' 2004 class schedule is now in effect. Click here for details.
  

• The next rank test will be held on February 7th at 2:00 PM. Good luck to all of those who are testing!

www.jenniferlawler.,com